


Into the Grey

by CraftyTonshi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, One-sided EnnoTana, Self-Harm, Tanaka is sad af, Yamamoto also has a big crush on Tanaka, bro yamamoto, end game TanaTora, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 20:00:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8503432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CraftyTonshi/pseuds/CraftyTonshi
Summary: Tanaka has a big crush on his best friend and ex-teammate. Things, aren't going well.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't read if mentions and descriptions of self-harm bother you
> 
>  
> 
> You have been warned.

**_“You will always be alone, hollow and empty”_**

 

That was what the fortune teller said, and oh was Ryu believing it now. There he was on a saturday night after work with no one to spend the evening with. Not like he had made many friends after moving away from Miyagi. In Tokyo, he spends some time with his coworkers outside of work and with a few guys from the old Nekoma team. Yamamoto, was the one who usually came around to check up on him, and spend time with him. He probably wouldn’t have made it this far without him, so he takes a sip of his whiskey in thanks.

 

His phone beeped, making the tired man look down noticing it was from a group chat the old team had running for years now. It consisted of himself, Noya, Kinoshita, Narita, Ennoshita and their old senpai’s. It was originally a support group for them to get advice on dealing with first years. Now, it was really a prime source of keeping up with the old team. He also has been ignoring it for about 6 months? He wondered why he hasn’t put it on silent yet or just leave.. 

 

**_[RollllingThunder]: Has anyone heard from Ryu lately?_ **

****

**_[Thighchi]: You ask that everyday Noya, I know you are worried and all..but maybe he just is busy?_ **

****

**_[RollingThunder]: Daichi, Ryu is my best friend...so no one heard from him?_ **

****

**_[TeamMom2.0]: I’m sure he is fine, guys I got to go, Watari is here to pick me up for our date! Noya don’t worry too much, moving to a new city is hard._**

 

Ryu growled at the last message, clutching his phone tightly. It was his breaking point and he turned the chat on silent. Slapping a 20 on the bar he slinked out of the establishment, he needed to leave before the choked back sob threatened itself up. He was stupid, to think that Chikara would ever love him, and he was even more stupid for holding onto the crush after he graduated from college and moved away to Tokyo. He hauled a taxi, and headed home. 

 

_________________________________________________________

 

Sleep didn’t come to him that night, as he looked across his room and to the photo of his old team he could only keep his eye on the others for a couple seconds before he reached Chikara’s smiling face. Curling inwardly on himself, the sob he held in for so long released itself. It ripped through his chest causing the slight strangled sound to leave his throat. Warm wet tears rolled down his face cascading to his pillow, he had to lost control of himself. He was tired of feeling unwanted, of feeling lost. Forcing himself up out of his bed with a painful wince, Ryu grabbed the picture sitting on his work desk. He thumbed over his old friends and teammates, his finger stopping on Chikara. 

 

**_“You will always be alone, hollow and empty”_**

The voice rang through his ears a new wave of tears forming in his eyes and landing on the picture. Chikara would never love him, why would he when he had Watari? Someone so calm, intelligent and gentle? Ryu heard the fortune teller's words ring through his ears again, causing him to wince. He didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t want to feel this nauseating emptiness. Running his finger over the picture again, without a second thought he threw it towards his wall. The glass shards hit the floor, twinkling in the moonlight that came in from a crack in his curtain. Before Ryu could stop himself he moved like a zombie towards the glass shards, picking a bigger piece up of his carpet. 

Ryu didn’t know how long he had sat there looking at the picture in the broken frame, or how long he had the glass shard in his hands. He stared down at his own smiling face, of course the smile was fake. His over-confidence was his only method of concealing the overlooming grey that consumed him. Wincing slightly as he finally pushed the glass shard against his upper arm, he cut a straight line down. Brown eyes traced the line as pearls of crimson blood leaked out, he sighed and began to cut erratically at his arm. His tears were now just not of sadness but a mixture of sadness and pain. 

 

Ryu doesn’t remember when he passed out, or when he cradled the now blood stained picture to his chest. He got up slowly, his whole body feeling like Jello, Ryu only got to his bed before he collapsed. Reaching for his phone on the nightstand he speed dialed the only person he knew that would care, Yamamoto picked up right away.

 

 _“Ryu, what’s up? Are you okay?”_ Yamamoto seemed exhausted and but his voice was calm. 

 

 _“Taketora, I need you...he-”_ Ryu struggled to get the words out before his eyes reached the cuts on his right arm, tears rolled down his cheeks. Yamamoto didn’t give him a chance to finish as the man hurriedly said, “I’ll be right there” and cut the call. Slowly and weakly Ryu wrapped himself in a blanket, falling back asleep hoping he would wake up to see his Best Friends smiling face..

When Ryu finally wakes up, he isn’t in his room. Instead bright white walls surround him and he hears the beeping of machines. He weakly and painful lifts his head, to see Yamamoto sleeping on the guest couch with a thin hospital blanket covering him. Ryu had fucked up, he promised Taketora that he would never be back here again, with his arm wrapped up in medical bandages. Breathing softly he sat up, taking a sip out of the water cup at his bedside. Yamamoto shifted in his spot, grunting as he looked up at Ryu. 

 

_“You’re awake, I’m glad. I missed you Bro...You really outdid yourself this time.”_ Yamamoto sighed, before bringing his forehead to his friends, _“I wish you called me sooner.” Sighing again he took Ryu’s hand softly. _“I had to tell your mother by the way, well I didn’t but the hospital did. She said her and Saeko are going to be down sometime next week.”__

_Ryu saw the change in his friend's face, and Yamamoto started to say something before the door banged loudly open. A small man jumped in, his eyes red. Ryu dropped his eyes and turned his face away from his other best friend Noya followed by his entire 2nd year team plus...plus a man he didn’t recognize. Before he could think on who it was Noya was already at his bedside, looking at him with brown eyes filled with tears._

__“I tried to convince your mother not to tell them, I swear Ryu.”_ Yamamoto sighed, ushering everyone in the room. They all sat quietly, as Noya stared at Ryu. Ryu was at a loss for words, he reached out with his bandaged arm to grab his friends hand. _

__“I-I’m sorry….I-I’m sorry Yu.”_ Ryu sunk into himself as he cried, hoping Noya would hit him or say something. All Yu did was jump onto his bed, hugging himself closely to Ryu. Yu softly nodded, understanding and accepting his apology. Asahi smiled at Ryu, walking over to pat his shaved head. Slowly one by one his friends came over to speak to him. The only two people left were who, Ryu was the most afraid to speak too...Chikara. Yu was still attached to him as Chikara walked up the strange man behind him._

__“Ryu, I’m sorry I didn’t figure this out sooner. Why you were so absent, barely talking to us for years. I figured it was just college and a new life in Tokyo.”_ Ennoshita reached down to place his hand on Ryu’s, he stopped when he noticed his friend stiffen. _“Me and Watari will be in town for a couple days, so please don’t hesitate to call us? We all miss you...especially Yu.”_ He gestured towards the man besides him._

_Ryu barely lifted his eyes to look. He remembered now, Seijoh’s libero and vice captain, in this 3rd year. The guy that held onto Chikara’s heart, the guy he would never be. He just nodded, and Yamamoto stood up mentioning that it was time for Ryu to rest and that he would pry Yu off. He watched as the love of his life sad one last sorry and left with his boyfriend in tow. Once he figured they both were gone, he broke down for the hundredth time that day, his tears not going unnoticed by Asahi and Noya. Yamamoto was instantly at his side, stroking his head softly. Yu looked up and tilted his head._

__“You okay Ryu? I guess we should go, we you need to rest.”_ Yu, slowly began to climb off the bed as his best friend gripped onto his wrist pulling him back in. _

__“Why doesn’t he **love** me? Why is it him? I will never be good enough.”_ He choked out over his tears, Yu froze, looking between Asahi and Yamamoto. Shaking and sinking further into himself, he gripped at the sides of his bed. Brown eyes darting to Noya who was frozen in shock. Then realization hit him, he just confessed his love and the reason he was in here to his best friend and his senpai. Noya turned around facing Ryu and cried with him, saying he was sorry over and over again. Soon after that he fell asleep, with Yu cradled to him. _

______________________________________________________  
He got out of the hospital in a couple days, and for the most part his life returned to normal. He still didn’t attend his therapy appointments or take his medication, he was better off without it or that’s what he told himself. When Noya and Asahi left, he promised to video chat with them once a week. He also promised to try to keep up better communications with the whole team in general. Ryu made sure he didn’t see Ennoshita again, he wasn’t sure what he would do if he popped back up. He would never be strong enough to face him again, not with the way Watari looked at him. _

_The visit with his family was refreshing, and they begged him to come back to Miyagi. He declined, saying that he could make the most money out here and that Miyagi didn’t suit him too much anymore. It took some convincing but with enough fake smiles and “I’m fine’s”, his family was off his back. He also promised to call them everyday, which in reality was for the better. Yamamoto stuck around him like glue, even begged Ryu to let him move in. So now his two bedroom apartment wasn’t so empty, it had life. Still nothing could get Ryu out from under the grey darkness that surrounded his life._

_He un-muted the chat again after 3 months, and he noticed it had grown. It was now every member of his old Karasuno Volleyball team. He smiled fondly at the usernames, wishing he could have their joy as they happily chatted away._

_**_[TeamMom2.0]: Guys! Watari just proposed! I’m getting married!_**_

 

His heart stopped, the phone slipping from his hands to the floor. Watari had beat him, the grey shadows consumed him as weak knees dropped him to the ground. The familiar hot tears rolled down his cheeks and onto the ground. His Iphone vibrated as he knew where a constant onslaught of “congratulations” were flooding in. Curling himself on the floor he laid there, inwardly cursing and hating himself. He had lost his chance. 

 

Yamamoto had got home later that night, Ryu had luckily not done anything. When his friend came in he was sitting on the edge of their balcony. It was a quiet night outside and the stars smiled brightly down on him. Ryu took a deep breath in, slowly turning to face Yamamoto. _“I’ve decided to give up on him Taketora. He is getting married, I lost my chance. So I’m just giving up.”_

 

Yamamoto walked to him slowly wrapping his arms around his friend in a tight embrace. Resting a chin on his shoulder, smiling softly, _“I’m glad. It’s time to heal yourself Ryu, I’ll always be here for you, ya know?”_ The slight sigh and nod he got from Ryu was enough confirmation from him. They stood there, looking into the stars. Ryu was finally free, he knew that his depression wouldn’t go away. It would always stay, but atleast he had someone to always be there. Ryu put his head down, 

 

_“Thank you..”_

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of any other thing I had to write, so enjoy. It might be slightly unedited so sorry for grammar issues. 
> 
>  
> 
> Alt. Titles: Tanaka has a sad TM and TFW Your Bro Has the Sads and you mad in love but you gotta be lowkey cuz his crush gettin' married. All thanks to @carissathepanda. (you are a gem) and another Alt title: "bro pls" given to me by @leeva-z-kai.


End file.
